My Grandfather Had A Way Of Saying Things That Most Preachers Could Not Get By With.
Here Are A Few Of his Famous Saying.
1."Run Into My Fist About 90 MPH"
2."Puke A Hound Off A Gut Wagon"
3."That Would Gag A Maggot"
4."Come Up Here And Let Me Box Your Jaws"
5."If Your Phone's Not Ringing, You Don't Have To Answer It"
6."Like A Calf Looking At A New Gate"
7."I Hope The Next Time You Eat A Apple You Find Half A Worm"
8."You're Crippled To High For Crutches"
9."God Said Let Your Light Shine Not Your Tail Light"
10."Dunk Your Head In A Bucket Of Water 3 Times and Pull It Out Twice"
11."Get Shot In The Face Full Of Polecat Guts"
12."Get Your Head Up, I"ll Let You Know When Were Ready To Pray"
13."May The Fleas Of A Thousand Camels Infest Your Arm Pits"
14."You Better Look Me Over Hoss, I'll Be Harder To Get Off You Than Melted Karo Syrup"
15."I'll Get On The Top Of Your House And Tear Your Shingles Off"
16."Tina or Mason Come Up Here And The Car Keys, The Way They're Looking At Me,
We May Have To Leave Quick"
17."That Would Crank Your Tractor On A Cold Morning""
18."Amen Ballew!!"
19."You Slept on The Wrong Side Of Your Head and Your Brain Ran Out Your Ear"
20."The Lights Are On, But Nobody's Home"
21."Mamby Pamby,Perfume Squirting,Ear Tickling,Feathered Legged,Back Patting,
Watered Down,Casper Milk Toast, Corner Cutting, Pink Lemonade Sipping Society Preachers"
22."I"ll Knock a Knot On Your Head So High, You'll Have To Climb A Ladder To Scratch It"
23."May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose"
24."I Know, That I Know, That I Know, That I Know,That I Know, I'm Saved"
25."Elamashindi Tie A Bow Tie, Honda, Volkswagon, How To Cut A Watermelon"
26."It's Getting Tweeter and Tweeter Fixing To Turn Into Tugar"
27."Make a Freight Train Take A Dirt Road"
28."I Hope The Next Time You Pick Your Nose A Booger Bites You"
29."Some Of You Wouldn't Give A Dime to Watch A Black Snake Riding A Bicycle With Sunshades
Carrying A Bale Of Hay On His Shoulder"
30."Dumb as a Box of Rocks"
31."Take a Half A Baby Asprin To Get Over That"
32."Nod Your Little Pointed Heads"
33."You Say Well I Don't Agree With That, Well You Have The Right To Be Wrong"
34."It's Good To Be Saved Ain't it"
35."Knock A Knot On Your Head You Could Grow Grass On"
36."You Graduated At The Top Of Your Class In Ignorance"
37."If I Wasn't So Dignified- I'd Shout"
38."Hogwash"
39."Somebody Must Have Dropped You On Your Head When You Was A Baby"
40. "It Was A Rooster That Crowed And Woke Up Peter Not A Hen"
41."Our Messages Aren't Too Long- Your Religion Is Too Short"
42."PST-Preachers Saving Time"
43."Brylcream Religion-A Little Dab Will Do You"
44."You Might Smell Like Avon Called"
45."If We Had A Body, We Could Have A Nice Funeral"
46. "You Say I Don't Like You. Well Your Brother The Devil Don't Either"
47. "I Hope You Get Sand In Your Peanut Butter and Your 50 Miles From Water"
48. "I Hope The Next Time You Eat A Chocolate Chip Cookie, One Of The Chips Start Moving"
My Grandfather Had So Many Sayings Through The Years
If You Think Of Some More Please Email Me and We
Will Add To The List
Thefuneralman@charter.net
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